Groucho Marx

“Marry me and I’ll never look at another horse!”

“She got her looks from her father. He’s a plastic surgeon”

“I never forget a face, but in your case I’ll be glad to make an exception”

“A man’s only as old as the woman he feels”

“I remember the first time I had sex – I kept the receipt”

“Send two dozen roses to Room 424 and put `Emily, I love you’ on the back of the bill”

“I’ve been looking for a girl like you – not you, but a girl like you”

“A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke”

“Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife”

“I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury”

“Outside of a dog, a book is a man’s best friend. Inside of a dog it’s too dark to read”

“There’s one way to find out if a man is honest – ask him. If he says, “Yes,” you know he is a crook”